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Steinbrenner Arrested!
Yankees salary spending involved in alleged crimes committed
 Shocking. Unbelievable. Vick-like. George Steinbrenner was arrested by federal marshals yesterday morning in New York. Steinbrenner is charged with three felony counts by the US Federal District Court, including devaluing US currency, causing hyper-inflation, and frankly, just spending wayyyy too much money. That last count was really just a joke the grand jury put together for the judge sitting on the case, but somehow slipped through our legal system. The jury is still out on how that happened. Lead prosecutor for the case released a brief statement outlining exactly what Steinbrenner did to salivating Boston Red Sox fans, "Basically, what we have here is a classic case of a man with an absurd amount of money knowingly devaluing the foreign value of our patriotic, loyal US currency, and leading to the deterioration of our value for the dollar at home." Public High School teacher Sheri Brodrick said, "I had to cash my government paycheck in twice a day. The money I got in the morning was worth nothing by lunch time unless I got bank interest on it, not that it was worth anything in the first place. I want Steinbrenner to rot for in a sock for what he has done." Economic experts at the Stanfurd School of Economics put it simply, "He just threw money at these worthless players, and they threw it away on worthless things. His disregard for money made people at home and abroad echo his feelings and just lose faith in the US currency. He treated money like it grew on trees and disgraced the sport of baseball more than Barry Bonds. I guess our Stanford mascot trees got the better of him. He should be held accountable; his actions, and his actions alone, solely, are the economic reasons behind these problems."  To nobody's surprise, all of baseball is rejoicing at this latest turn of events, and although the salary of the Yankees for the time being has dropped, their record standing hasn't changed one bit. One would wonder why all that money was spent while destroying the US dollar for no reason at all. Steinbrenner and Osama: America's Most Wanted Terrorists? Hyper-inflation reached a new peak this last week, and now not just baseball salary cap reformers are banging for the Yankees to change their spending ways. Specialists from the Argentine and Turkish inflation crises have been called in to help solve the inflation problems. An Argentine source is quoted as saying, "Look at how much that idiot is paying Alex Rodriguez. Alex's salary alone was accountable for half of California's banks closing down. Jason Giambi and Derek Jeter combined to take out Texas and the South. Bush pulled a Kerry and starting calling Montana his home state, and the country re-elected him to a third term over Democrat Hillary Clinton." How an Argentine knew more that the average American about American politics is the topic of Michael Moore's next movie.
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