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Serena Williams to Play Fourth Round of U.S. Open in Prom Dress
Opposition declines offer to take photos together at the Williams residence prior to the match
 Flushing Meadows, NY - On the eve of her second round match against Marion Bartoli, four time U.S. open winner Serena Williams has finally announced her outfit for gameday. The announcement, made at a press conference earlier today by Pierre JeanSean, a French fashion designer who has replaced Ms. Williams coach, silenced rumors of the possibility of Williams wearing a corset for the match. While the announcement disappointed many players in the mens draw, who had earlier withdrawn from the tournament to simply see Williams in a corset, and allegedly to avoid the boredom of simply seeing Roger Federer lift another title, Ms. Williams said she was elated to be playing in the flowing and elegant teal dress. Said Williams, “I wanted to go for the princess look for this match, and the first outfit that came to mind was my prom dress. Plus, that dress is sure to bring me luck. After all, the last time I looked at it was when I was taking it off at the..” Our interview was cut short by Ms. Williams father, who sent her immediately to her room without dinner. Incidentally, the hotel room that Mr. Williams sent Serena to was the same room where she had last worn her dress. Interesting and somewhat ironic turns of fate are not new to the Williams sisters, however. After reigning supreme over the womens tennis circuit in the early part of the decade, the sisters fell out of the rankings when a new generation of young Russian superstars emerged. This new generation of stars challenged the sisters with better bodies, less manly features, and grunts that more closely resembled an impassioned Angelina Jolie as compared to the Williams sisters version- resembling dying savannah bison. While the competition on the court was relatively friendly, the competition in the broader global sphere sparked the famous 3-day war between Russia and Kenya. While some reports claim that this maneuver was simply a last ditch effort by Putin to pacify far left-wing factions, others claim that Kenya should be admitted as the newest member to the axis of evil. Our Kenya correspondent was not available for comment, having recently contracted AIDS.  In order to get the go ahead for the outfit, Ms. Williams had to reconcile contractual obligations between Adidas, which sponors all clothing at the Open, and Forever 21, the makers of Ms. Williams dress. Ms. Williams, who very quickly found that she could not, in fact, be 21 forever, suggested the insertion of an elastic spandex band made by Adidas at the waist of the dress. This allowed the Adidas logo to be displayed, contracts to be reconciled, and most importantly, Ms. Williams to fit into her dress once again. However, while this may seem like a happily-ever-after ending, there are those who aren’t quite as pleased with Ms. Williams choice of wardrobe at the Open. However, most of the dissidents are British Wimbledon enthusiasts, and their accent could not be understood in the interview. Whether the prom dress improves Ms. Williams struggling volley play in the match tomorrow yet remains to be seen, however, it cannot be doubted that the dress will add to spectator appeal, which is one of the main focuses here at the U.S. Open. Serena’s decision, in fact, is only the most recent ploy to get spectators away from preseason football to watch tennis here in America. Other ploys include touting Andy Roddick as ‘good’, James Blake as ‘black’, and promising that Pete Sampras was playing his ‘last’ match on 15 separate occasions. However, Serena’s dedication to spectator attraction is not over; in a pledge supported by UNICEF last week, she promised to wear a bikini in the final if she makes it there. Maria Sharapova, who was first contacted to make the pledge, was busy actually practicing for the tournament.
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