|
|
Ron Artest Wishes to Play Brad Pitt in Fight Club Sequel, Citing Real Life and TV Experience
Pitt has no objections but a few contusions
 Disillusioned, needs anger management, ugly. Those are some of the things said about Ron Artest. Universal Studios would disagree. It seems that Ron Artest is their choice to replace Brad Pitt in the sequel to Fight Club, Fight Club 2, which will release sometime at the end of next year. Ron Artest argues with critics, "people who think I can't play this role need to take a look back at history. After all, those who don't study it are doomed to my fist." He later went on to add, "Just look at my track record, I've fought efficiently against other NBA players, I've taken on crowds of audiences at NBA games, I've even beaten up my own family and been reprimanded for it." His family was available for comment, and his wife testified to confirm what we already know, "Ron is a very violent man, he's perfect for this role, he's a born fighter, he can't control himself at all, it is all instinct for him, it's in his genes to be uncontrollably violent. It's a good and bad situation, on one hand he's predictable, but on the other his hand has caused more than a few trips to the emergency room for my children and me." It's hard to argue in the face of that kind of evidence. Ron Artest's recently released debut music album is evidence that even convicts aren't the scum of society; they still have initiative.  NBA Commissioner David Stern and League Enforcer Stu Jackson have pre-emptively suspended Ron Artest for this coming season and the following season, with or without pay depending on how much the movie grosses its first weekend. If the gross is unsatisfactory, the NBA will compensate Ron Artest with pay for the second full season of his suspension – barring any criminal convictions (this does not "go without saying" for Ron Artest). Brad Pitt met with Ron Artest and came out of his home visibly muffled, and when asked to comment said, "I never knew such intimidation in my whole life, and I've gone up against mafia casino owners, Troy, and I even played Sinbad once. It's like people always say, you never know someone until you've been beaten in their home." The origin of this saying is still in doubt, but so are most things on this website. Also, Jason Kidd took offense to the saying, but it's what we expected considering the man averages more than ten points and assists per game.
|