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NBA Blames Bad Image on "Incorrect Picture Formatting"
David Stern hopes this will solve all his problems
Unheralded News – AP Wire  In recent national polls, 86% of sports fans polled said that the NBA had a bad image. Of those 86%, 80% can’t locate the exact location of the bad image, but say it is “close by.” NBA Commissioner David Stern released a statement in response to these recent poll reports, saying that “we have located what we believe to be the cause of this bad image hanging over our heads. We think the cause lies in our incorrect picture formatting, and we are devoting our best efforts to correcting the situation.” If this proves to be true, incorrect picture formatting seems to be plaguing not only the NBA, but the NFL and MLB as well. Certain dogs and biceps might disagree. Lawyers for Tim Donaghy were available for comment, and said that they were “glad that the blame for the NBA’s bad image had been taken off their client.” Legal experts however claim that this is in fact bad for Tim Donaghy and his defense. “His lawyers could have argued that because he was the NBA’s scapegoat, any jury would have been unfair for Mr. Donaghy; that ‘jury tampering’ defense now can’t be used” said legal analysts for CNN. In light of these events, Donaghy is expected to plead guilty to lesser counts soon.  The NBA has been using the BMP (bitmap, .bmp) file format ever since the early 1990’s when Michael Jordan started winning titles. Michael Jordan looked better in the bitmap file format, and lobbyists and party members for other file formats like GIF (.gif) and JPEG (.jpg) lost out to the mounting pressure to switch to BMP. The NBA grew tremendously under the watchful Bitmap eye, but lobbyists for other picture formats did not go quietly. At one point chairs were thrown across office corridors as JPEG and GIF members blamed their loss of bonuses of BMP leaders. A few BMP leaders were admitted to the local hospital. GIF and JPEG diehards did not go away quietly, or permanently for that matter as it would seem, as they are rising up now in full support for their file format to become the norm for the NBA. While GIF and JPEG lobbyists and party members are at each others throats, the offices of BMP workers have been cleaned out almost immediately, as David Stern seems to be wasting no time on fulfilling his promise. He even kicked one member out the door with his own foot who claimed that Michael Jordan was making a comeback and that BMP would prevail in the end. Reggie Miller and Charles Oakley are looking for their third musketeer in their comeback trail. Historically, the NBA has never used a file format longer than 15 years, with the current Bitmap tenure the longest on record. We expect a decision from the NBA on which file format it will be employing from now on, and they expect that their decision will correct the bad image plaguing their league.
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