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Kobe or LeBron. LeBron or Kobe. These days in the NBA as the season winds down, the chatter begins on final rankings, predicted matchups, but pale in comparison to the heated superfluous matter that is the Most Valuable Player debate. In reality, the award matters little and determines nothing in terms of playoff seedings, rankings, home court, points, rebounds, assists, or anything relevant to the game. But that will not stop the gossip juggernaut of sportswriters, sports show hosts, and the fans in the blogosphere.
Interestingly, the votes are in and the winner has come out of somewhere (Atlanta to be precise). Zaza Pachulia, a center making a mere $4 million dollars this year (compared to LeBron’s $14 million and Kobe’s $21 million), has been crowned MVP of the NBA.
When sportswriters were questioned after votes were tallied, facts surfaced that indicate that sportswriters were so flustered by indecision when it came time to send in their vote (most waited till the last minute), that they froze and just picked a random name. It so happens that Zaza Pachulia won the contest with 2 first-place votes, behind all the other players mentioned who received 1 first-place vote. The indecision apparently came from the inability to choose Kobe over LeBron, but also the inability to pick LeBron over Kobe. The writers just couldn’t bring themselves to do either, and this was their way of abstaining. You might ask what their definition of abstaining is, and the jury is really still out on that one (what if the jury abstains…?).
Why Zaza? Statistical experts have determined that since all writers chose at random, it just so happened that Zaza got lucky and got chosen by two writers out of the 400+ player choices in the NBA. If the vote were taken randomly again, some other player might get 2 votes, or there would be about 50 MVP’s tied with 1 vote each.
You might ask why the writers didn’t just actually abstain, and the answer is interesting. Each writer assumed that their vote wouldn’t matter as all the other writers would pick between Kobe, LeBron, Dwayne Wade, Chris Paul, Dwight Howard, or other choices. But unfortunately, all writers assumed this and voted randomly and Zaza became the winner.
Fans, GM’s, and players alike have called for Zaza to return the award and have demanded a re-vote. Unfortunately, Zaza’s wife, his official agent, has already melted the gold from the award down into some serious bling she wears around her neck, wrists, ankles, and even her thighs. Nobody told her the award was not made out of real gold, and Zaza could not be reached for comment.
The ceremony took place at Zaza’s house without any invites, as the NBA was ashamed to hold the ceremony at any official NBA event or facility (according to unnamed NBA headquarters janitorial intern). Even his children were too ashamed to attend, and instead played video gfames in a different room of the Pachulia house. The game they were playing? 1-on-1-on-1 in NBA Live ‘09: Zaza vs. Kobe vs. LeBron. Guess who won?