Debates continue as to who should face more punishment; Vick or culprits of attack?
Detroit, MI - It took 2 teams of firemen and the threat of Mike Vick's dogs to end a brutal hazing incident earlier today. Lions Rookie Calvin Johnson was taped to a goal post for 12 hours today, as a punishment for his failure to follow standard practice among all professional athletes. When veteran players asked Johnson for his favorite movie, he said, "I'm a big fan of 'Fight Club.'" The NFL veterans were stunned to hear this, and asked, "What about 'Scarface'? Don't you think it's the best movie ever? Don't you want to become Tony Montana?" Johnson responded, "It's overrated, Pacino's terrible in it, and he was much better in the first two Godfather movies." Upon hearing this denial of the greatness of Scarface, the other players grabbed duct tape and strung Johnson up, as is NFL policy. Later that day, former NFL player and Lions GM Matt Millen traded Johnson for 2 other wide receivers, saying, "The man may be a faster, substantially more stable TO, but if he doesn't like Scarface, I
don't want him near my team. When Pacino says, 'Say Hello to my Little Friend!', it's the most awesome thing ever, how can anyone disagree and call himself an NFL player? Sickening, just sickening."