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Advertisers Beginning to Fast-Forward Commercials in Hopes of Decreasing Viewer Use of Fast-Forward Options
Preemptively remove ability of viewers to fast-forward ads during sports programs
 In a radical change of policy, advertisers on all major sports networks are moving towards a fast-forward approach that is likely to change the way viewers deal with ad time. In a press release from Bob Revenje, the CEO of the largest ad agency AdsForYou, he is “disappointed to learn that all along advertisements during sports programs have been fast-forwarded by viewers.” The surprise was not echoed by the members of the press in the press room, as they are all secretly fast-forwarding viewers themselves. Revenje later went on to add that, “in order to erase this horrendous cycle, we have moved to fast-forwarding our own commercials as we air them. This should and will preemptively take away any ability the viewer has to fast-forward our commercials when watching a recording of a show.” Sports viewers are distraught over this latest marketing move advertisers have made. One man said, “we thought we had them in a corner, by recording their show and watching it a little delayed we just fast-forwarded through all the commercials. But now, things have taken a turn for the worse, we’re going to have to sit through an already fast-forwarded version of commercials. I can’t imagine anything worse than this. My kids throw tantrums because I’m not fast-forwarding commercials anymore. They think it’s my fault.” No apology from advertising companies seems to be forthcoming; in fact, the situation seems to be worsening. Revenje responded to viewer complaints with some harsh words: “They deserve everything they’re getting. Karma can hurt, and it’s not our fault. Viewers hoodwinked hard-working advertising companies into thinking that they were watching our ads, when in fact they were fast-forwarding them under the radar. The years of suffering we have endured are now just coming around coming around coming around…”  On the other hand, the morality of AdsForYou has come into question, with allegations of subliminal and lewd advertising rising up in civil courts across the country. Revenje believes that the truth will come out eventually, but isn’t exactly sure what that might be. Weighing in on the feud was the People’s Court former judge Joseph Wapner. He sided with the advertising companies, only because he felt that it was really stupid on the viewers’ part for wasting time fast-forwarding commercials. “It seems like such a huge, stupid, ignorant, waste of time. I mean, why do it? How can you come into my courtroom and expect me the side with you when you are this dumb? If I were you I would want the sports program to last longer because it’s something I enjoy, and I would not only watch the ads, but I would replay them and watch in slow motion, much like people already do for the actual sports game on. It only seems logical.” SportsCenter led off their program with news on the dispute, and have moved towards optional ads on some of their channels. Every other channel of the 412 ESPN channels available will still have ads, but the other half will half optional ads. Walt Disney’s genius remains alive. However, the time-space continuum issues that will be raised when some people are behind others because of commercials while watching “live” television have not been resolved.
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