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Chinese Players to Face Mass Recall from NBA
Chinese Sports Authorities, FDA and William Hung involved in thorough investigation
 Yangtze River, China - In a startling move late Thursday night, the Chinese Sporting Association (CSPAN) made a decision to recall all Chinese players from the NBA based on suspicion of unsafe parts and harmful lead content. The investigation, which some say originated from a tip by rapper Too Short, finally blew the whistle on the hazardous birthing practices in China which produce the 7 foot plus monsters now playing in the NBA. All three Chinese players in the NBA, with absolutely no exceptions, are slated to fly back to China this weekend. When contacted for an interview, Yao Ming simply said, "I really hope I get the aisle seat." However, breaking reports have stated that Wang Zhizhi had, indeed, called shotgun on the aisle seat a full 3 hours prior to Ming. The decision for recall comes at a time when many other China-produced consumer products are being questioned for their safety; from noodles to pointy farmer hats. While some say this most recent investigation is just an attempt to jump on the metaphorical investigatory "bandwagon", others say that the entire NBA fan base is simply a shifting sea of bandwagoners.  In a press conference early Friday morning, president of CSPAN, Li Rong, explained the decision by saying, "While this will be a tremendous financial setback, we have decided, based on the recommendation of the USFDA, that these players contain unnatural amounts of lead and harmful substances. This has undoubtedly resulted in their height being between 3 and 4 times the height of the average Chinese male. Clearly, their birthing process has to be looked into more closely by our inspectors." While the science behind Mr. Rong’s statements is still in question, there are those, such as American Conservative party leader Lee Harold who retort that the jury is still out on science. The fan base of the NBA, while still reeling from the allegations of being bandwagoners by one of America's most widely circulated and prestigious media publications, did gather themselves to air their thoughts about the recall. Said Nick Perkins, proudly donning a newly purchased Warriors jersey, "I always thought there was something wrong with Yao Ming. He doesn’t look like any of the other Asian kids I know. In any case, inviting any player from Afghanistan to play in the NBA is inviting trouble." Incidentally, a Google Map search of the distance between Kabul and Shanghai produced 88,003 miles. In light of the recall, many doubts have surfaced about other Chinese imports with unnatural and possibly harmful qualities. The USFDA has launched an investigation into these imports, which include American Idol sensation William Hung. The investigation is to be carried out conjointly by the USFDA and Don Cheadle. The latter, while completely unknowledgeable about the NBA, is tentatively slated to be the face of the investigation - and is likely to appear in a series of motivational television commercials supporting the inquiry. The African American party could not be reached for comment on this confusing link. Their out-of-office automatic-reply emails explained that party members were busy planning for their third and final African American history awareness month of 2007.
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